This is the greatest gift.
This is something I did not know how to do. I didn’t understand what it meant. Love Yourself? how was this even possible. I mean I know how to give love to other people. I just love them. you know> but love myself? what the heck? this had no meaning to me.
Sure I thought I was a good person, and yes I did love myself I didn’t want to die or fall off a cliff. I didn’t want any harm to come my way. But loving myself? I didn’t understand what it meant or where to start. So I started researching…
I mean I really started looking and researching – self love, loving yourself.
And it hit me ” I did not love me.”
I didn’t even like me.
I had years of self hate, self criticizing, unresolved issues, and relationships with men that left me dazed confused and played. I had no idea that I had allowed myself to not like me and not love me.
When did this start? because I can remember being a feisty little girl with lots of charm and pizzaz. When did I stop or rather start not liking/loving me?
I guess I would say around high school I started to believe I wasn’t good enough, sure I wasn’t as pretty as the other girls, they were into dancing and cheerleading, they were more developed, and had pretty skin, wore makeup and had pretty hair.
I was not like them I barely would brush my teeth to go to school, and my clothes weren’t fashionable I just wanted to get out of high school I put no effort into it.
Then college, I did start to spruce myself up I would dress up everyday, and start attracting a lot of attention from LOTs of guys, they wanted to date me, and I said yes. I would date anyone, there weren’t any qualifications, as long as you were cute and had money. This was the beginning of me not knowing me.
I accepted anything, I was a virgin until I was 20 then my boyfriend decided he was tired of waiting so he put something in my drink to make me calm, it was a date rape drug. I knew I felt out of it. but he was my boyfriend, and who would I tell?
We had a nasty breakup. I followed him and his next girlfriend on the highway going 150 mph per hour to his brothers house, where a sheriff was waiting to take me to jail. Embarrassed and deseperate, I had no idea of self worth. And just moved on to another one. He would be my greatest teacher, my ex husband.
he was my high school boy friend and played basketball. and when his career was over he was mean. Nasty mean, he would put me down like no before. He tore me into shreds. I had two children by him. They are my gifts from God. Then he would be physical – I’m tense thinking about it. This was my lowest point. And one day he left, while laughing at me and putting me down.
Now I was own my own with 2 children. Pitiful and broke.
I put all my happiness in the hands of other people. I thought a man could love me. I thought my parents could love me. I never knew all I had to do was love myself.
And so time would go on, my children would start to grow, and I became lonely. I asked God for a friend. He sent me my G. A beautiful soul who I fought like a beast of a field. I didn’t know how to love a man, and I didn’t know how to love me. I was bad to this man, and he told me to pray.
I started to pray to God, I had no idea what to say. I just talked to him, and he gave me blessings.
Then I started to read my bible, God had promises for me. I was fearless and wonderfully created. All I had to was trust in God. As my spirituality increased on the inside I started to fix myself up on the outside. I was feeling good! God is in control.
I started reading and learning about how to love, how to give love, how to receive love. How to be a woman, how to love yourself. I realized its a marathon, everyday is a new day to keep going. to see the good.
To love yourself requires 1 thing, and 2 steps.
Stop criticizing you.
Start loving you.
if you understand the “stop criticizing you” You’ll understand the start loving you.
When you stop saying everything your NOT.
You’ll see everything you ARE.
Were all created in love in beauty. God has made us all unique. Whatever you don’t know, or don’t like about you, is good in Gods eyes.
Start seeing the negative as a positive.
Love yourself. Nobody else can do this for you. This is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself.